SOCIAL DISTANCING, Chapter 59: In Which It’s Just Around The Corner

My Liz McLeod

Still Your House Manager

 

“Your face!” exhaled Miss Carol T. Cat, her bright green eyes dilated with shock and horror. “What have you DONE to it?”

I frowned. That’s what I did with it. And then I rolled my own eyes and I replied “I took my mask off, all right?”

“Is this – advisable?” demanded Miss Carol, expressing the caution which has become her byword over this long, excruciating year. “The world has become accustomed to – not viewing your sagging mien. Are you certain that you wish to inflict it again upon an unwitting population?”

“Things are changin’ fast,” I replied. “Pretty soon everybody will be able to show their faces again. Well, I can think of a few prominent figures on the global stage who probably shouldn’t ever show their faces again, but we won’t dwell on that, will we? The thing is, we’re finally gettin’ back closer to normal than we’ve been since this mess started. Normality, ya might say, is Just Around The Corner!”

Miss Carol regarded me with disdain. She’s been doing so for ten years now, so you think she should change?   “You have said that,” she intoned, “on many occasions over the past several months. And yet, the corner has shown a distressing ability to recede toward the horizon as if a fleeting mirage. Be certain, this time, that you do not merely speculate.”

“I do NOT merely speculate,” I countered. “I have it on the best of authority that, in fact, Normality Is Just Around The Corner. Do you know what I did today?”

“My mind reels with sarcastic replies,” Miss Carol shot back.

“I took delivery of half a ton of popcorn. HALF A TON!” I rubbed my shoulder at the memory of it. “Do you think I’d be doin’ such as that if NORMALITY WAS NOT JUST AROUND THE CORNER? An’ on toppa that, I ordered CANDY. Do you think I’d trust myself alone in a buildin’ with two cases of Milk Duds if NORMALITY WAS NOT JUST AROUND THE CORNER? It’s not just “around the corner,” you can hear it jake-braking down the hill as it rolls triumphantly into town! IT WON’T BE LONG NOW!”

Miss Carol’s features settled into a concerned scowl. Well, wait, what settle? She always scowls, but I guess if you squint you can maybe kinda see some concern. Or maybe that Tuna and Chicken with Gravy isn’t sitting well. Who knows?

“Does this mean,” she began, in careful measured tones, “that my feeding schedule will again be disrupted? I advise you in advance that I shall find this entirely unacceptable.”

“So you’ll get your supper at 9 instead of 7,” I countered. “Look, everybody’s had to make sacrifices to get thru this pandemic, right? We’ve all had to deal with things we didn’t want to deal with, and accept changes we didn’t like, and face realities that we never wanted to face – but you know what, we’ve come thru it. What if I told you when I get home at 9, you’ll get the best supper you ever got? Extra gravy, even!”

“You would be capable of delivering on this promise?” she queried. “Because I must warn you, I do not respond well to ‘bait and switch’ methods. If you make such a bargain, I shall most certainly hold you to it.” She flourished her claws to emphasize the point, and I instinctively pulled the sleeves of my sweater down to protect my  slash-marked forearms.

“I will. I’ll be just like old times. I’ll even rub your belly on the kitchen floor.”

“I require that you mop it first.”

“Yep,” I nodded. “Just like old times.”

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